


Maybe the Sea Will Understand

by scullyphile



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Emily - Freeform, F/M, MSR, Night, Ocean, Sea, Starbuck - Freeform, Stars, ahab, beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5240579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scullyphile/pseuds/scullyphile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scully drives them to the beach in the middle of the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe the Sea Will Understand

She was supposed to drive them home. That was the assumption, but he’d never actually said, “take me home, Scully.” He’d been too tired to say anything, simply collapsed in the passenger seat and passed out.

Scully wasn’t ready to go home yet. She was emotionally and mentally exhausted, but physically she was wired. Cases involving children got to her more than she was willing to admit since Emily had passed. Thinking of her daughter’s innocent face made her eyes start to burn with the threat of tears, and she pushed the feeling down. Not now. Now she had to drive. She had to get away from here. She couldn’t break down in an airport parking garage with her sleeping partner next to her.

She considered dropping him off at his apartment first, but dismissed it for two reasons. First, by the time she took him to his apartment, woke him, and made sure he got into bed, she might not want to go anymore, might just drive herself home and give up.  Second, having him there comforted her. 

Mulder sat slumped in the seat, his head leaning up against the window, his mouth hanging open just a little. He had been so sleepy that he hadn’t even buckled his seat belt. She pulled it around him carefully, trying not to wake him, although it was clear he was pretty out of it. She took a sweater from her backseat and folded it neatly before placing it between his head and the window as a pillow.

Driving often gave her an excuse to keep from thinking. She could focus on the road, the other drivers, or even the radio. It worked better when it was daytime and there were more cars on the road. Tonight her thoughts kept turning dark, and she had to keep battling them away. _Let me go, Mommy_. 

She drove and drove until she reached the ocean. She got out of the car and walked to the water, leaving Mulder in the car with the doors locked. It was the middle of the night, and the beach was deserted. The wind off of the water was chilly, and she stood with her arms wrapped around herself like a hug as she looked out at the waves.

The water was rough, choppy. She thought of her father, his love of the sea. She used to come out and look at the ocean as a child and wonder what was so great about it that it was able to take him away from her for so long. What did he love so much about the ocean? It was something, she knew, that she wasn’t able to give. It must have been something he couldn’t get anywhere else.

She searched the water for answers. She searched the water for a hint of what her father loved, but she was not able to find it. She decided, instead, to look up at the stars. Mulder was always looking to the stars for answers. It was a clear night, and there were so many specks of light. 

The problem was that those specks were millions of light years away, some of them long dead by now. What did they know of her life? How could they know the extent of her love and sadness, which swirled inside of her like a whirlpool of oil and water? No, that was more in the realm of something the sea would understand. Or maybe the moon. Being so connected to womanhood, it might understand. The moon was half full. She searched its face for a long time, but found no answers to her questions. 

Had she committed some sin, something that made her deserve all of this? Logically she knew that was not the case, but the thought kept rubbing on the raw parts of her mind. Could she have done something differently? What could that have possibly been? She scolded herself for being silly. None of that mattered anymore. It was done. She was here, and she should be asking the best way to move forward.

A gust of wind assaulted her from the water, blowing back her hair and the flapping tails of her coat, which was not adequate to keep out the cold. She shivered, and felt two hands grip her shoulders from behind. His touch triggered the sobs she had been pushing down all this time, and she shook. It was all so unfair. Mulder’s arms encircled her in a hug from behind. His chest was warm on her back. He held her and kissed the top of her head. She sobbed harder. Her knees were weak, but he held her up.

He never spoke. When she was ready, she turned around and hugged him properly, trying to burrow her face into his warm chest. Eventually she broke away and started walking ahead of him, back to the car.


End file.
